It is probably a result of the rain, bad news about friends and colleagues, and not enough sleep, but when I came to write today's article all I could think about was crying.
At first I thought, I can't do this -- crying is not a cheerful or upbeat subject. But the more I thought about it, the more I recognized that while it might not be upbeat, it's a necessary and important part of living.
Crying, like the other basic emotions -- anger, fear and joy -- are hardwired into us. We can observe them in infants who cannot yet speak or even crawl. My (very unscientifically based) belief is that they are there for a reason. I see these emotions as safety valves, like other autonomic systems in our body. And while I realize there are true cultural and gender differences in the types of emotions that are deemed appropriate for expression on different occasions, I still contend there is a time to cry -- and to laugh and to fear and even to be angry.
Many people are taught to be afraid of their own emotions. We have all heard someone say, "If I start crying, I won't be able to stop." Strangely enough this is only applied to negative emotions, fear, anger and sadness. I don't believe I've ever heard anybody sincerely worry about laughing too much. But each of these emotions both evoke and reflect physiological changes in our body.
Anybody who has had a stressful day, a fight with a good friend, or suffered the loss of someone knows that crying can bring relief and a sense of peace. The same can be said for the other emotions.
Fear prepares us to take whatever action we need to take to escape danger. Anger gives us messages about our own state of mind. And joy, as usual, needs no excuse.
The key to assessing whether your emotions are serving you probably resides in the words "appropriate" and perhaps "frequency." If you find you are laughing at a friend's loss or crying, as the expression goes, over spilled milk, you may question whether your responses are appropriate. Even better, you might try to figure out what the underlying feeling is that leads you to this expression of emotion. For example, we often laugh "inappropriately" in situations in which we are nervous or uncomfortable.
Frequency is the other issue. Although, again, while it is seldom said that one can laugh too often, it is possible to laugh at the wrong situations. Continuous feelings of fear, anger or sorrow when there is no apparent cause are also signals that something is not right. Then it is time to come and talk to us.
I find it fascinating that studies of laughter have indicated that there are positive physiological effects that result from it. This deep "belly" laughter increases oxygen, exercises muscles, etc. I'd like to believe we would find the same thing for the appropriate use of all other emotions.
If you have any questions or think you are feeling particular emotions too frequently, please come and talk to us. You can call (530) 752-2727 for an appointment or email me at shharvey@ucdavis.edu.
Sally Harvey is director of the Academic and Staff Assistance Program. Her columns appear quarterly in Dateline.