Last summer, Margarita Camarena, who had not painted on canvas in seven years, built a large wooden frame, stretched canvas taut across it, and looked inward for truth to paint upon it.
It was a crossroads, she says now -- a point reached through the active pursuit of self-awareness. She was 29 years old and in the process of remaking herself. In one of the few constant threads of her old life, Camarena was a UC Davis alumna, a career employee of eight years and a highly regarded graphic designer for the College of Agricultural and Environmental Sciences. In her new life, she was a spiritual explorer. She had ended a destructive love affair, satisfied a lifelong desire to move to San Francisco, found a soul mate with whom to share an apartment, and was developing a circle in the city of artsy, edgy friends.
Through studying self-consciousness at the Berkeley Psychic Institute, Camarena had become aware of a compelling sense of obligation, a mission to serve. But she did not know what form the service should take or how to find that out. When she asked the advice of her institute teachers, they turned the question back to her for more thought.
"There I am. I feel like I have this mission. How do I find it? I can't go to a place and have them tell me what it is," Camarena recalls thinking. "There was just this knot, and the knot has to do with being stuck. I knew I wanted something I could touch." With no object in mind, she bought framing materials, canvas, paint and brushes.
"I started meditating. I began painting, just putting on the color that I saw. It was very dark -- that was the block," she recalled. "And as my energy started to run the color started to change to a lighter blue. And then my own light, the color of the god of my heart, came out, and that was orange."
The resulting swirl of black and blues streaked with orange and green, which she named "Balance," astonished her, as did others' reaction to it. Her friends loved it. And after Jennifer Barber, director of the Cal Aggie Alumni Association, saw it in May at the 2004 Thank Goodness For Staff art show, it was selected as the artwork for the labels on bottles of the Vintage Aggies 2005 Wine Collection. (To view online, see http://www.signaturewines.com/vintageaggies.)
Camarena felt in her work "Balance" a healing expression of color -- "chromatherapy," she calls it. During the next five months, seven more paintings flowed onto her canvases in swirling, wavelike strokes of vibrant, deeply saturated reds, oranges, blues and greens. On Feb. 13, they will be exhibited collectively as "The Color of Energy" in a San Francisco restaurant, Bistro LaMoone (4072 18th St., between Castro and Hartford).
Are you enjoying all this new attention?
Yes. Talk about getting unstuck. When the wine bottles with my painting started going out, I thought, "Is this validation or what?"
We're showing a few of your paintings at the Dateline online site for readers to see in color, but can you describe some for us?
"Abundance" was a very deep meditation piece. I had a difficult time seeing what I was supposed to see. The image flows from a hand. It's a gift. As soon as I brought that painting into the restaurant, they received a phone call making a big reservation. "Strength" has all the negative energy dripping from the center. And then there's "Freedom." It could be coming out from depression, from an addiction. "Rebirth" has orange and red together; it's very feminine, very nature, very Earth. I think it's going to be really interesting Sunday at the exhibit to see who's looking at what, because I'll know what (aspect of themselves) they're working on.
How do you see your role as graphic designer for the College of Agricultural and Environmental Sciences?
I dress the college visually. My job is to jump in there and create brochures, student publications, faculty-recruitment materials and an alumni magazine that make the college look strong while also making it look like a part of UC Davis.
What's your favorite UC Davis project?
CF3, the California Food and Fiber Futures Portfolio, which we just finished last week. It is a portfolio promoting a mix of innovative projects. It had what I call a perfect end. It was done by a lot of people advancing at the same rhythm. I loved the complexity of the project and how everybody did their part. Everything flowed. Just like energy.
What are your most treasured possessions?
Possession -- that's a word I don't like. Hmm. My hands.
Have you found your calling?
Maybe. Maybe this is where I am supposed to be -- helping people find themselves through color and through an image. I am finding my path to being an instrument to humanity. What that means, I'm still trying to figure out. •