Ask The Mediator runs twice per quarter in Dateline. In it, you will see real issues that UC Davis mediators are currently encountering in their mediations, as well as questions submitted by UC Davis faculty and staff specifically for this column.
Q. I’m a new management services officer in a department where the previous MSO set up some standards and expectations among faculty and researchers that I simply am unwilling to meet. She allowed them to give her unreasonable tasks on a regular basis (like more than once turning in grant proposals late and she would rush them to the airport at midnight!). Now I’m looking like the bad guy because I’m expecting them to adhere to some basic professional boundaries. How do I get them to respect my boundaries and not hate me?
A. It sounds like you want them to use some new behaviors (e.g., meet deadlines) and to understand the reasonableness of your position (not hate you).
How much do you know about the reasonableness of their position and what behaviors they want from you? This sounds like a ripe opportunity for some information exchange and problem solving. I would strongly encourage you to find a way to let them know what you want and why, then to inquire what they want and why. Try to do it face-to-face. E-mail can end up leading to edgy exchanges that don’t communicate good will.
My guess is you’ll be able to come to agreement on solutions that meet all parties’ needs by understanding just what everyone’s needs are. If you’re having trouble making this work, call our office for some more ideas.
Getting more help
Upcoming opportunities to learn more about conflict management and mediation include the monthly brown bags in the Memorial Union’s Fielder Room. Sessions run noon to 1 p.m.; and “Chat with a Mediator” sessions are set for Oct .15, Nov. 12, Dec. 10, Jan. 14, Feb. 11, March 10, April 14, May 12 and June 9.
Mediation Services also offers a Conflict Management Series — providing customized staff training for campus departments. Topics include:
• Listening with presence (three hours);
• Interest-based negotiation (three hours);
• Tools and techniques (three hours);
• Communication protocol for the workplace/ department (three hours);
• Applying mediation to your workplace/ department (three hours);
• Making the best of change (three hours);
• Functional vs. dysfunctional conflict (three hours);
• The Dead Elephant game (three hours); and
• Enneagram Applications to conflict and communication (six hours).
Want a Cow? Here’s How…
Invite us to make a short promotional presentation about our services at a staff meeting, department training, retreat or other event and you will receive a Mediation Services stress-relief foam cow to display proudly on your desk.
Ask The Mediator is written by Sally Waters, senior mediator at UC Davis Mediation Services. Faculty, staff and graduate students may send in questions to be confidentially answered in this column at abagronis@ucdavis.edu. For more information about Mediation Services, call (530) 752-9257 or check the website http://mediation.ucdavis.edu.